What this shit is all about

Hello! And welcome to my blog. If you have stumbled upon this site by accident, please press your back button on your respective browser and move right along. Unless, of course, you are intrigued by what you see, then I happily invite you to continue reading. Maybe you’ll find something you enjoy. Who knows?! The possibilities may be endless for you, my friend.

The main objective of this blog will be my observations. Observations about my surroundings, situations and other nonsensical things I may talk about. This may include, but not limited to, observations about movies, games, books, music, websites, people and so on. One thing that I will avoid 100% is any posts that deal with my “feelings” or about “how my day was”. That shit is just plain boring. This blog is all about entertainment and a way for me to stretch my creative muscles. Otherwise, they might atrophy and I’ll be spending the next however many years trying to get them back.

So, without further ado, I welcome you to my blog and I certainly hope you enjoy what you see. Or read, I guess.

5 years and 43 posts later…

Today is the 5 year anniversary since I signed up for WordPress and published my first ever post. So, it’s only fitting that it will also mark the final post as well.

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. It’s not that I don’t enjoy writing in this blog, I just don’t have the time or I just can’t seem to motivate myself to do so. I’ve been trying to focus on my book because at least with that I’m making some sort of progress with something. And I have, actually. I’ve made a lot of progress recently. Occasionally, my mind comes back to this and I think, “What can I write to entertain people?” But then nothing comes to mind and I push the idea out of my mind.

Yesterday, I logged in and read through some of the posts I’ve made in the last 5 years. I originally started this blog because a guy I used to work with had started one and suggested I try it out. I was still working at Barnes & Noble and there were lots of ideas to write about. Something I noticed when I was re-reading some of these posts is that a lot of them happened within the first 4 months of starting this blog. It wasn’t until I had quit my job at the bookstore that the posts were few and far between. It was in a steady decline ever since.

Going back and reading some of these entries, especially the earlier ones, brought back a lot of memories. The majority of them were very good. In fact, I’d like to think that I stuck with my original mission when I started this blog. I didn’t write about my sad feelings or what I did that day. I pretty much stuck to the entertainment aspect of it. Although, I did see a rant post I had made. But to be fair, I used that as a way to entertain my readers.

It’s been fun. There were a lot of fun things to write about and I hope that I entertained at least one person.I know I never got around to publishing to Facebook but ever since the posts became more and more infrequent, I never felt that it was worth my or anyone’s time. I’m gonna keep my account active until I can figure out an easy way to save all the posts I made onto my computer. I know that nothing on the internet is ever truly lost but I thought it would be nice to have and keep. Maybe one day I’ll start a new blog using a different site. Maybe I’ll start sharing it on social media immediately to get some readers. But until that time comes, my blogging days are temporarily over. If anyone out there still reads this, thank you. If I have entertained at least one person in the last 5 years then I have done my job. And for that, I’m truly and eternally grateful.

Inspirational Change

Creative inspiration comes to all of us in many different ways. Sometimes we’re inspired by the works of someone else; other times we’re inspired by the people around us. It doesn’t matter how it happens, it just does. It has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. In addition to all of those other things, I also get inspired by change.

If you’re not quite sure what I mean by that, allow me to explain. When things start to become repetitive and mundane, it greatly affects my creativity and it reflects in my work. I don’t do well with routines and when I fall into one, I have to find something to break that cycle. There was a period of time earlier this year where I was stuck in a routine: wake up, go to work, come home, go to sleep. It went on like that for weeks. Then I finally started going out and being more social again. Which helped break that routine.

Recently, my roommate and I moved into a brand new apartment and I’m about to get a promotion at work. Things are changing in a very big way. Being in a new environment is exactly the thing I need to get inspired. My promotion hasn’t kicked in yet because we’re still waiting on my replacement but once it does, things are gonna be different.

I’m not even sure why I started writing this in the first place. Maybe it’s because I’m just excited about what’s going on in my life right now and felt like sharing it. Yea. Let’s go with that.

Two Roads Diverged in a Wood….and I Took Neither

The other day, I came to a realization. I would say that I “had an epiphany” but I don’t think this really qualifies as one. I always imagined that having an epiphany would be a bigger deal. Like when you suddenly realize that everyone in the office hates you because you’re annoying as fuck. But this wasn’t really a sudden realization. More like something I’ve always known to be true but I’m just now accepting it. 

I don’t want to be an actor anymore.

My whole life, I wanted to be an actor. When you’re a kid, you play make-believe and use your imagination so it just made sense for me. Halfway through college, however, I discovered directing and my interest sort of shifted. I enjoyed it at first because there was a lot of creativity in directing but, over time, I realized I wasn’t very good at it. I wasn’t having fun anymore and I found myself getting more and more frustrated. I ended my time at SFA feeling lost.

My internship in England/Estonia the following year reignited my passion for all things theatre. Everything we learned was completely different than what we were used to. And I loved it. But after I came back and officially graduated, I haven’t done any theatre. Every year since then, my interest in it has slowly dwindled. This is when I had my realization: I’d rather be a writer.

I had actually been doing it for the last 6 years and never realized how much I enjoyed it. But it all makes sense now. I’ve always been drawn to the creation side of things. I used to draw a lot when I was a kid and I took a lot of art classes but I was never any good at that either. Which sucks because I used to love it no matter how bad I was at it. But eventually, I gave that up too.

For awhile in college, I was obsessed with editing software: music, pictures and video. I even had Macromedia Flash software. I used them all. I spent a great deal of time creating projects around those programs. I even had a brief foray into music when I was younger and learned how to play the piano. That’s something I still want to try my hand in. I’d like to be able to get better at it so I could feel more confident in writing music.

The point is, I’ve spent my entire life trying to create things. I have a big imagination but I couldn’t express it in art or music or even theatre for that matter. This is why I turned to writing. If I can’t show you what it’s in my head by drawing it, at least I can show you the same thing in a different way.

I don’t think I’m all that great at it. But I enjoy doing it. I took a semester on playwriting and really liked it at the time but dismissed it when the class was over. Thinking back, I wish I had taken more writing classes. I had blogs in college but I never really looked at it as practice. I just wrote whatever and didn’t worry about it. Sometimes, that’s all it takes, though.

For now, this is what I’m passionate about. This is what I want to try and do with my life. I’ve been looking at those two roads my entire life, not knowing which one to choose. So, finally, I decided that I didn’t want to go down either one and instead, I’ll create my own road to take, away from the other two.

Update From Work 2

This post will be the first time I’ve ever updated from the WordPress app on my phone. Well, technically, I’m currently sitting at my computer at work typing this in an email that I’ll send to myself, copy and paste it into the app on my phone and publish it from there. I tend to get creative when most of our websites are blocked.

I’ve been trying to decide for the last couple of weeks on what I should write about in my next blog post. I try to stay away from controversial issues because I want my updates to be entertaining. Don’t get me wrong, I love debating things. It stimulates the mind. But if I’m going to stir up a debate or discussion on my blog, I’d rather it be about things like whether or not Star Wars is better than Star Trek. (For the record, it totally is).

Awhile back, I made the decision to publish each post directly to Twitter and it has gotten some attention. Recently, I posted a direct link to the entire blog on Twitter to try and gain more traffic. Needless to say, it has worked to an extent. My followers on Twitter aren’t nearly as large as my friends on Facebook but I’m hesitant to publish there. I feel like I need more content before I do so. I should have been doing that from the very beginning when I created this blog just over four years ago. Maybe it’s time to change the background and design of it.

This post was pointless. I promise something better at a later date. And I’m just now seeing that this will be my 40th post. At least it’s not 50. I’ll come up with something good for that one.

Coffee: A Love Story

It all began in high school, back when I was first starting to drive. It was the beginning of my junior year, a time in my life where I was still trying to figure out who I was. Little did I know that a big part of who I am today took place at this very moment in time.

I had a bad case of insomnia when I was a teenager. There wasn’t anything I could do except ride it out. I was young and full of energy, so it was much more preferable to happen back then instead of now.

One day, a friend of mine came up to me at school and said, “Hey Josh! Do you wanna go to Starbucks later?”

I looked back at him with a confused, disgusted look on my face. “You mean like, coffee? Gross. That stuff’s for grown-ups!”

“They don’t just serve coffee there. They have all kinds of different drinks: tea, soda, water. They even serve food. Plus, they have iced coffees, too.”

Intrigued by this notion of ice in coffee, we stopped by Starbucks after school. The smell of fresh coffee gently wafted through the door as we entered. We walked up to the counter and out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone drinking what appeared to be a milkshake. After further investigation, I learned this drink was called a frappucino. When it came time for me to place my order, I decided to try one for myself.

The frappucino was everything I hoped it would be and more. The mixture of ice and coffee was perfectly blended with mocha, creating a smooth, creamy beverage that tantalized my taste buds. Sure, it had a hint of coffee taste but it wasn’t overpowering. I knew then that I was hooked.

Soon after that, I wanted frappucinos all the time. Starbucks became a new hang out for my friends and I. But eventually, drinking those delicious frozen treats became expensive. I had to cut back. Significantly. Until one day, at the grocery store with my mom, I saw that they sold them at the grocery store in packs of four bottles! It wasn’t exactly the same but they tasted the same!

Those were the drinks I had throughout the rest of my high school career. Every morning, I would drink one of those on my way to school. And since I was visited by insomnia every night, those store bought drinks helped keep me going during the day. And then, of course, on those special occasions, a Starbucks visit was had.

It wasn’t until I was officially in college that I made the change to hot, regular coffee. But I had to be eased into it. One day, during winter break from school, I was meeting up with friends at the Starbucks we had grown to love over the years. While waiting in line, I decided to take a look at the menu to see if I wanted to try something different. When it was my turn to order, I asked the barista, “What do you recommend for a good hot caffeinated drink?”

“Well,” began the cute barista girl, “my personal favorite is the White Chocolate Mocha.”

“I’ll try that. Thanks!”

I couldn’t believe it. This was even better than the frappucino! And, it was more of an adult drink because I was an adult! It quickly became my new favorite beverage and, to this day, when I go to Starbucks, that’s what I order.

From that experience, I finally decided I would give good ol’ regular coffee a try. It wasn’t as glamorous as my previous experiences but over time, I grew to love it. Now I drink at least one cup of coffee everyday. I don’t get to Starbucks nearly as much as I used to but I do like to treat myself from time to time. My experiences have also led me to various cafés and coffee shops that have unique takes on styles of coffee.

Back then, I never thought I would ever drink coffee. I thought it was stupid and gross and a waste of time. I couldn’t be happier with how wrong I was. I don’t know what I would do if coffee ceased to exist one day. That’s a world I don’t want to live in. I would probably lose my mind or get so many headaches that my head would explode. I am thankful everyday for the love that coffee brings me. It is certainly mutual.

The world is spinning but only in grey

Well, it finally happened. After months and months of working steadily, I’ve developed writer’s block.

Writer’s block comes in many forms, as my google search has led me to believe. It’s not always just staring at a blank page for days on end as the hypnotic cursor on the screen tauntingly blinks at you. For me, I feel like the style in which I’m writing has suddenly changed for some reason. I don’t know if it’s laziness or if maybe it’s just the part of the story that I’m on but it feels different. I went back and re-read it and it seemed okay but it still bothers me. And because it’s bothering me so much, it’s affecting the work I’m trying to do. Maybe I just need to get over it, continue to write, and revisit the problem areas in editing.

Coincidentally, a few days ago, I received an email from Stumbleupon, a service which I haven’t used in forever, containing a website on 100 ways to cure your writer’s block. I haven’t actually had a chance to check it out but I did bookmark it so I can peruse it later. I feel like the internet gods are watching over me by sending that because I’ve definitely been struggling with it since, at least, the beginning of June. I have some ideas of my own to break it but I will see what the internet says as well. One of those ideas, obviously, is to write something completely different. Which is what I’m doing now. On my blog. Something I should be doing anyways.

Writer’s block is a lot like alcoholism: once you admit you have a problem, only then can you start to recover. It’s another reason I’m writing this post. It took me awhile to finally admit to myself that I’m stuck. It’s like I went through the 5 stages of grief with my writer’s block. I’m even having trouble writing this blog! I will attribute part of that to the fact that I’m on a lot of meds right now so I can feel better.

Whatever is causing this writer’s block needs to stop. I enjoy my novel and I’m finally starting to get a grasp on things. Maybe it’s because I haven’t exercised in awhile. Or maybe it has something to do with my emotions/mood recently. Or maybe it’s some sort of subconscious thing that I don’t feel like trying to pick apart. I probably just need to clear my head. Either way, stay tuned. There might be more to come the longer this lasts.

The Kassie Konundrum

So, I have a huge crush on a girl who not only works in my building, but also works on the same floor as I do. The only problem is that she’s either engaged or married.

Before everyone starts flying off the handle, let me make something perfectly clear: I would never in a bajillion years act on this. That’s not the kind of person I am. If she were single, obviously that would be a different story. But since she’s not, I’m just gonna keep my distance and my mouth shut.

My only basis of whether or not she’s married/engaged is because once, when we were on the elevator together, I noticed she had on a ring. Naturally, I assumed that she’s one of the two based on that observation alone. And it’s a pretty safe assumption to make. It was at that moment that I knew I could never do anything about it.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time something like this has happened. And that is why I’m calling this The Kassie Konundrum.

Like every guy on the face of the planet, there is a certain type of woman I am attracted to. If you know me at all, (and if you’re reading this, I’m assuming you do) then you know exactly what my type is: dark hair, dark eyes, shorter than me, things like that. Anyways, back in the summer of 2010, when I was still working at Barnes and Noble, a girl by the name of Kassie was hired on as a seasonal employee. Not only did she fit all those traits mentioned above, but she also wore glasses. I don’t know what it is about girls with glasses but I love them.

For a long time before that, I had been debating quitting my job at the bookstore because it was getting out of hand and I was getting stressed out at a place where I was only making $8.50 an hour. But I stuck with it because my mom was in the middle of finding a new job and once she found something steady, I was going to quit my own. When my mom did finally get hired somewhere, I started making plans to leave the bookstore. And then Kassie was hired.

I can already feel the eye rolling that’s about to occur but I put off my plans of quitting so I could get to know Kassie better. I know, I know. What an idiot. Luckily for me, since my managers were always asking me to do things, they asked me to train her. “Perfect,” I thought. “This couldn’t have worked out any better.” I learned a lot about her: she was nice, smart, funny and had a great sense of humor. She was also engaged.

Honestly, I’m glad I found out when I did because I would have kept on working there like an idiot thinking I might have a chance with her. I know, I’m stupid. I’m pretty sure that was the first time I ever found myself in that situation and thus, The Kassie Konundrum was born.

And now I’m in a similar situation except that this girl doesn’t work for us and I can’t just quit my job because that’s just stupid. It wouldn’t be so bad if my desk wasn’t right next to the main doors to our office and can see every person who gets off the elevator. But it’s only a crush and it would never manifest itself into something more.

I am fully aware of how ridiculous I’m being and how silly the situation is. If this were something actually serious, I wouldn’t be writing it here for you all to read. I’m sure I’ll get over it soon enough. But until then, all I can do now is wait until she transfers to another building, quits her job or gets fired.